====== If that chute don't open wide... ====== (by ??? : was posted on the wall at Ellington Conn. DZ.) (can be sung to the tune of "Daddy's going to give you a mockingbird") C-130 sitting on the strip, Airborne Daddy gonna take a little trip. Stand up, hook up, shuffle to the door, jump right out and count to 4. If that chute don't open wide, I've got another one by my side: If THAT chute don't open round, I'll be the first one to the ground. If I die on the old drop zone, box me up and ship me home. Pin my wings upon my chest, bury me in the leaning rest. C-140 on the taxiway, jump school boys gonna jump today. Shuffle up, hustle through the door, Pull that chute and count to 4. If that chute don't open wide, I've got another one by side. If that chute should fail me too... look out mother f**ers, I'm comin' through! ---------------------------- ======== Skydiving Rhapsody ======== (by ???? : Sung to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody) Is this freefall? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a dirtdive, No resemblance to reality Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, I'm just a poor boy, with an old canopy, Because it's easy pack, easy pull, flaring high, dumping low, Any way the wind blows, watch for the burble off the trees, the trees.. Bummer! just killed my main, With the sun behind my head, left it out, and now it's dead. Bummer, I just bought the thing, But now I've gone and thrown it all away Rigger, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry, If I'm not in the air this time tomorrow, Carry on, carry on as if skydivin's the only thing that matters Too late, time to meet the plane has come, Cessna ribs against my spine, body's aching all the time Goodbye, Mr. Douglas, I've got to go, Gotta leave you all behind and face the earth Mama, ooh, (watch the way the wind blows) I don't want to fly, I sometimes wish they'd build a big elevator instead... I see a little Stilletto with a man, Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you jump my Fandango Faster than my Lightning and very, very fright'ning me (Hey no-way'o) Hey no-way'o (Hey no-way'o) Hey no-way'o, Hey no-way'o DZO (Magnifico) I've got an StratoCloud nobody loves me He's just a poor boy with an old canopy, Sparing his life with that monstrosity Easy come, easy go, flare it high, dump it low This will not do! He likes to smoke it low (Let him go!) This will not do! He likes his openings slow (Let him go!) This will not do! He scares the DZO (Let me go) They'll never let him go (Let me go) They'll never let him go (Let me go) Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, I pulled low! The DZ-pub has a beverage put asside for me, for me, for meeeeee! So you think you can pack ZP and spit in my eye So you think you can pack this and fly thru the sky Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby, Just gotta get out, just gotta get out on the spot... Freefall really matters, Anyone can see, Freefall really matters, Freefall really matters to me Any way the wind blows ---------------------------- ========== Sky Dive Jive ========== (Sky Dive Jive; a non-jumping loved one's PERSPECTIVE! by Romula Pome COPYRIGHT 1997, From: webb@primenet.com) Ain't it cute/ my parachute? Wanna boogie 'till I puke/ Gotta pack, Jack Like paratroopers/ all in a row we jog to the aircraft/ try not to be slow (Barfing's o.k./ bouncing is not if I say "going in"/ I've the head of a pin) We're up in the sky/ we're excited, we're high nor embarrassed to fart/ 'cause it shows, we got heart we got plenty of balls/ after all our free falls Pop when we drop/ so we won't grossly plop and end up as slop/ for some soppy old mop Over the hump/ jump, jump, jump (That ribbon of snot/ snaking out of my snout wasn't meant to be pretty yet it won't interfere, with the view of the city) Land on our knees/ we don't feel the hurt better by far than/ a head in the dirt but shit, it's damn sweet/ to land on our feet! Rap the rap/ beer on tap fuck the funk/ let's get drunk now we get to moon the moon/ hairy asses, loons in June Gotta pack, Jack/ Wanna boogie 'til I puke My parachute/ ain't it cute? --------------- ====== Beautiful Streamer ============= (from "Streamers", play by David Rabe, 1972, revised 1977: Samuel French, Inc.) Beautiful Streamer, Open for me, The sky is above me, But no canopy Counted ten thousand, Pulled on the cord. My chute didn't open, I shouted "Dear Lord." Beautiful Streamer, This looks like the end, The earth is below me, My body won't end. Just like a mother, Watching o'er me, Beautiful Streamer, Oh, open for me. ===== From: tab@mhuxu.UUCP (baker, tracey), rec.skydiving 1988 archive "Since I like getting drunk and singing silly songs late at night, I'd like to collect some silly skydiving songs. Here are a couple written by one of the jumpers out at Chambersburg - if anyone has more, please post them!" ------------------------- [Note: Al Gramando is the owner of Skydive Chambersburg, Jimmy is one of the pilots, and the other names are also real people at the DZ.] ======= Sixteen Jumps ======== by Larry Mazzocco (to the tune of "Sixteen Tons") I was born one morning when the sun didn't shine I picked up my rig and I stood in line I crossed an ocean of oil just to get to the plane I was soaking wet from the driving rain Chorus: You make sixteen jumps and what do you get Another day older and deeper in debt Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go I owe my soul to Al Gramando The hard core jumpers were ready to go We should have been sitting on the hangar floor We lifted off the runway when the lightning struck The right engine coughed and the left one stuck (Chorus) Jimmy done screamed like he just died Atheists prayed and big boys cried Sweat was rolling off the end of my nose We cleared them trees by the tips of our toes (Chorus) Jimmy nursed it up to a thousand feet He turned around and said, "This is it, hit the street I want everybody to form a line" When we brought out the mirror he said "Not that kind!" (Chorus) The air was smoky and getting hot Newton wouldn't jump 'cause we wouldn't let him spot Bev was screaming "Hey, we're getting low" I heard somebody yell "Get tight and go!" (Chorus) I jumped out the door and I cleared my air I went for my pilot chute but it weren't there I felt something tugging so I looked behind My bridle was wrapped around my leg like twine (Chorus) I punched my reserve and it shot for the sky It opened with a bang as a four-way went by The lines were popping and my cells were torn I wished to the Lord that I'd never been born (Chorus) Well, I looked for the peas and I did what I could I smacked that disk like a hammer on wood I was buried in the gravel all the way to my nose They fed me my beer through a half inch hose (Chorus) Jimmy done landed that smoking plane He jumped out the door and said "Never again!" We strapped dynamite underneath each wing Then we blew up the plane and we started to sing... (Chorus) ------------------------------------------- ===== Low Puller ========= (by Larry Mazzocco, sung to the tune of "Secret Agent Man") in rec.skydiving 1988, supplied by tab@mhuxu.att.com (baker, tracey) Mike Roam added chords (first notes in verse are [e e g b a g g e g e] (first notes in chorus are [b d f# d e] [Em] There was a man who [Am] jumped a rig of [Em] danger. [Em] Every time he [G] pulled it opened [B7] stranger. It [Em] snivelled and it [G] stalled, A [Am] Unit it was [C] called [Em] Odds were he would [Am] bounce before to-[Em]-morrow Chorus: [Em] Lo-ow [Bm] Pull-[Em]-er, Lo-ow [Bm] Pull-[Em]-er [Am] Goin' for that [C] ground rush, We [B] knew he'd frap one [Em] day... One [Em] day he took it [Am] down below five [Em] hundred. He [Em] pulled his main and [G] watched as it ex-[B7]-ploded. We [Em] saw him kick & [G] thrash,as he [Am] cutaway that [C] trash [Em] Odds were he would [Am] bounce before to-[Em]-morrow (Chorus) He [Em] pulled on his re-[Am]-serve but just as [Em] he feared, His [Em] knuckles hit the [G] ground before his [B7] pins cleared Then the [Em] news spread 'round the [G] town, as they [Am] hosed the runway [C] down- [Em] "Used gear for [Am] sale at the [Em] drop-zone" (Chorus)